www.fthisjob.com

Yet another sleepless night over a job, that at least existentially, does not matter at all. I include this website as my title as a service to anyone who might recognize themselves in any of my posts. In addition, my blog belongs to the well-established genre of "job haters." Clearly I am not alone and, although not breaking new ground, still have the opportunity to express the ridiculous nature of my present employment.

Today we have a holiday and tomorrow too. I should be enjoying my time off and recuperating from the regular grind. However, I am preoccupied with the nefarious meddling of one evil co-worker who from now on will be dubbed, Ms. Jesus-Freak. Ms Jesus-Freak, combined with the slack jawed spinelessness of new Assistant Principal Mr. Spongebob make the English department more like a small gulag squad rather than an egalitarian forum of intellectual inquiry.

Hmm. Later I may list all the endless and undermining things Ms. J-F and Mr. Spongebob do to make me sleep deprived and possibly in need of various forms of anti-depressants (interfering in the 9th grade curriculum, condescending one-up-man-ship, etc.). However, I prefer to end this entry with a question:

Why do we all suffer with jobs we hate? How did we get caught in this trap? When will it ever end? Why does commerce take precedence over mental and social stability, let alone self actualization and creativity? And more personally, since when did I ever care about a regular paycheck (and a miserable one at that)? I barely recognize myself.

For all of us who dream of winning the lottery and sending a man dressed in a middle finger costume to our boss to convey the message that we will no longer be an employee, I ask this question: What motivates you to keep going?

Overnight Obsessions

Last night I learned about Bill Bennett the former Secretary of Education's remarks about reducing crime by aborting "every black baby in this country." Read it for yourself: http://www.cnn.com/2005/POLITICS/09/30/bennett.comments/index.html

Certainly one bigot doesn't speak for all of America, but after watching the bereaved and bereft of New Orleans plea for help that did not come and after watching so much suffering right here in New York City, I think that perhaps I was naive about the depths of racism in my country.

As some kind of reaction to this, my other obsession is the sweet little book The House on Mango Street by Sandra Cisneros. Cisneros is in complete opposition to the brash cruelty of Bennett and his ilk. She is charming, writing in the voice of a bright, sensitive, and thoughtful Chicana girl named Esperanza.

Esperanza tells us about a day in her neighborhood when she says: "You can never have too much sky. You can fall asleep and wake up drunk on sky, and sky can keep you safe when you are sad. Here there is too much sadness and not enough sky. Butterflies too are few and so are flowers and most things beautiful. Still, we take what we can get and make the best of it."